Friday, December 11, 2009Y
Lets talk abt wad i heard from god during ytd's prayer meeting .
Honestly.when i was praying and singging,I cant feel god's presence at all,not at all ,and that makes me feel very sad.
so, I force myself to think of wad good thing God has done in life,thinking that when i know hw much good thing he has done ,then i will be more thankful ,and then i can feel his presence.
Eventhough the thing he has done in my life was alot alot ,but during the time ,i just don't feel thankful at all.
i really hate it when i don't feel thankful to God
and i really don't like it when i can't feel God's presence when i pray (eventhough i know that he was there,bt i jus cant connect with him ~)
So,i prayed this prayer...
"Lord.break my heart Oh God! break it, father ! break it ! so that i can be thankful to you ,i can feel you !~guide me! for the road infront of me was dark,i cant see anything father.''
Things never change during the 45mins of prayer ,my heart wasnt break.
I still unable to feel his presence at all.I felt really disapointed .
Thats the time when i start blaming myself for not praying vry often.
When i really have no hope for the prayer meeting, thinking tat, im going to go hme with a prayer meeting which without his mighty presence.
But things just change when we start to worship God after the 45 mins of prayer.
Everyone who was kneeling on the floor to pray during that 45mins was told to stand up.
So i did wad was told.I sang the song without any meaning to me .im just like a robot singing the lyrics out .
While i was singing,my strength starts to be like run out of my body.
So,i kneel on the floor,with my head on the floor.
And that is the time God started breaking my heart .
At that time ,my tears jus come out ,and i can feel the peace withing me.
i can feel that God is infron of me to touch my hair.
And he start to talk to me ,this is wad he said,
"My Hong xia .you r precious in my eyes ,don't worry,i have never leave you ,and i always here with you ,you have went through alot of hardship this few weeks,i know , but ,don't worry ,just press on. that is the time when i start to change you ,and im preparing you for the great work . After you have went through all the hard times .That is the time you r truely rise up.That is the time when the fire is send to u again .That is the time when you can pray none stop .And , that is the time when you truely become a great leader .Don't worry my girl,i am always here with you ,you are always under my wings.i will always carry you on my back when you fall down .my hand is always here with you "
When i was listening to wad he was telling me .I can really feel that i was really under his wings.he is there to cover me .no matter what thing i had done wrong,He is there to help me .
After the worship ,Mr Zhang asked the ppl to go infront to share about the vision or what God has tell us during the 45mins prayer meeting .
Some of of them went out,and one of my cell grp menber,weiping,she went up to share also,and she start crying .MrZhang asked me to stand beside her,bt,that timei jus can't stand up.i got no strength ,the strength was like as if they had all run out of my body .So i never stand beside her to encourage her,(im sorry weiping.)
Anyway ,i never went up to share ,cos i dun have the courage,i wanted ,but,i knw that if i went up to share , i will surely cry .yaya...
After everything,Mr zhang came up to me ,and he tell me that , he say he believe ,eunice and pearl went overseas and absent on sat is for a reason,he said he believe that ,it was God's plan ,to prepare me for the great work.
What he say was what i think last week,so,now i can be vry confirm that it was from God.
Ya thank you father! thanks for loving HongXia so much ! =)Thank you fatehr that never once you had left me alone.Thank you that ,eventhough in my sipiritual walk,i may walk slowly,bt you slow down your footsteps,so that you can encourage me on my way to you ~ Thank You !! ❤
ends at Friday, December 11, 2009
